[sincerity]

First off let me say that I really really want a pearl engagement ring, and I have read a lot (especially on this forum) and I know the risks. However, I would still like some opinions please, even if your opinion is that I should not get a pearl engagement ring.

Okay so here is my reasoning:

For some reason diamonds are not for me, I just never really wanted one. Don't get me wrong if my boyfriend were to engage to me with a diamond I would love it simply because he took the time to pick something special out just for me. However, the same thing goes if it was a fake diamond or any other ring. In other words when it comes to diamonds and me it really is the thought that counts and nothing more. So I can't see why he should spend that much money on something that I don't necessarily want. Now pearls on the other hand... there is something about showcasing a single pearl that I just love.

Now I know that natural pearls are the best way to go, but this honestly scares me. What if he were miraculously able to find one and I had my ring and something happened to the pearl. Again this seems like a large amount of money to risk. So this is my idea... couldn't he buy a few freshadama pearls which should be relatively durable, have a setting made, and if somewhere down the road something happens or if the pearl simply wears out we already have spares to take to the jeweler.

To me this seems perfect. A few freshadama pearls are affordable and settings are generally not that expensive thus so to me it seems worth the risk. Even if i run out of pearls or I can't get more at least I had a ring that I adored for its look and sentiment for years rather than a diamond that is simply sentimental forever. What do you think?

Also, I would like to note that we have been together for several years now and have discussed marriage and decided to wait a year or two until we finally are a bit more settled in our careers (and aren't trying to pay school loans). So he's kind of been trying to find out what I like and I didn't want to just ask for a pearl ring and then him be afraid to tell me that its not really practical, this way we are both on the same page. I just don't want you to think that I am some big control person who has to have exactly what she wants. Not that any of you know who I am, but still I am a very easy going person.

[pattye]

Hi Sincerity,

I am all over your idea of a pearl ring--and all nacre like gem freshwater sounds terrific! Good idea to get a few pearls--why not??--matched for size and color--in case of damage. I hope he does ask because you will be wearing it a long time I hope!! I think you should speak up and say what you like, not that he has to get it, of course. Most guys (I think) want to know that kind of stuff!

[Raisondetre]

There's a post floating around somewhere where someone actually handmade a pearl engagement ring with a bunny on it. I think he went natural too. That has got to be the sweetest thing! Go for it!

[barbie biggs]

Dear Sincerity:
I think it's a fabulous idea to get a ring that you design yourself and that has the elements that you really love. I know that today many people actually replace their wedding rings at some point with something else they have come to love but beginning with something satisfying just gives your selfesteem and your relationship a big boost. My husband and I designed my wedding ring with gold from my grandparents rings, my great aunts necklace, tiny diamonds from my mothers watch, and rubies. The rubies were to me, the most important part because I had always wanted colored stones, not a diamond. My ring has 13 stones because I was born on Friday the 13th and I have never tired of it. I don't wear it every day any more because of my job but when I do wear it it's as fresh and new as the first time I saw it after we approved the wax cast.
If you want a pearl, and you really want a pearl, you should get one. Just remember that you might need those replacements. But don't give up on something you want because it is unusual. So are you. Keep that. It's one of the most important parts of you. That which is special to you is sacred. Your secret inner life, but also the parts of you that you want to share. Good luck.
barbie

[Heidi]

Hello Sincerity,
Welcome! If you feel connected to the idea and aesthetics of a pearl ring, I say go for it. There are some good photos on the forum of pearl ring designs - some of which are more durable. I also recall that one of the vendors, perhaps Jeremy, knew about a finding which would allow you to change out the pearl on a given ring. At any rate, please do keep us posted on your progress.

[Pearl_dreams]

I'm all in favor of getting the engagement ring you really want. But do try to find a design that will protect the pearl; it will be vulnerable if you wear it much.

The replacement pearls are a good idea, too, but I wonder, when it comes time to switch out the pearl you were actually wearing when you were married, will you feel a pang because it's a replacement and not the original pearl? Only you can answer that.

Here is an alternative suggestion to consider: what about a pearl ring being your first anniversary gift, and choosing some other, durable stone fro the engagement ring? Since diamonds are not your ''thing'', maybe a sapphire or another hard stone like a topaz or beryl?

[sincerity]

Originally Posted by pattye

I think you should speak up and say what you like, not that he has to get it, of course.

Just so you know I have spoken up and I ran the idea by him and he didn't have any problem!

[pattye]

Now there is an Intelligent Man!!!!

[sincerity]

In response to Pearl dreams (mainly) , I read the post where someone said a bezel setting would be a good choice and a closed bottom that would not allow the pearl to rest on the finger. So I think I will look into this but I am open to any other suggestions. Does anyone have any particular vendors that are good with pearls that could make a good setting, I know that Kevin from Pearls of Joy wouldn't (which I completely respect) and I would rather not go to AmericanPearls since they don't seem good at all.

As for the replacement pearls I can't say that I would have too much of a problem when the time comes to replace the pearl because I am prepared and expect it to happen. Also I figure I will probably keep that first one somewhere safe after I switch it out since it was the first.

I had thought about getting a pearl ring later and asking for another stone for the engagement ring since that seems more practical, but it just wasn't what I wanted, which is why I have been researching so much. Also, my family is Irish (we still have relatives in Ireland) so when I turned 13 I got a claddagh ring with an open trinity knot which I wear on my wedding ring finger. When I get married this will be replaced with a claddagh wedding band with a closed trinity knot basically symbolizing my love is sealed or however you want to put it. So my wedding band will actually have a lot of significance, in fact some of my family members don't even have engagement rings but instead have only their claddaghs. So I think I would still be happy even if there came a point where I couldn't wear my engagement ring all the time (like when I was on my last pearl) because in a way that seems natural to me.

Thanks for all the input, it makes me feel better that everyone seems to support the idea. We figured we could buy the pearls now so I can show him where to get them and I still won't know when its going to happen. Then whenever he wants he can decide on a setting (I'll give him all the suggestions to protect the pearl). I also told him he can decide what color pearl and type of metal because I like all the colors of pearls and honestly think that each could be paired with either a gold or silver color and still be nice.

[Pearl_dreams]

Here's a crazy idea...what about if the pearl is in a small cage, which can be opened so the pearl can be removed and replaced?

[sincerity]

What exactly do you mean by small cage? Would something be on top of the pearl as well as below it, or just on the sides?

[Pearl_dreams]

I remember seeing the diamond-encrusted cage in which a conch pearl sits (it was made by Tiffany's in th early 1900s, and was a pendant)-- that got me thinking of a ring which has a gold or platinum cage (with or without diamonds or other stones adorning it) which encloses the pearl, which is visible through it. The cage could open on a small hinge to remove the pearl.

The pearl could be seen through the cage but would be protected by it.

[Heidi]

...what if the "cage" is actually a trinity knot in design, somehow? It would have to be abstracted, of course.

[Pearl_dreams]

Look at the third ring down on the left as an example (though I don't especially like that design) :

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgu...%3Den%26sa%3DN

[Pearl_dreams]

Here's a current eBay listing for a Trifari cage ring (the stone is a cabochon, however)... just for an idea of what it would look like opened:

http://cgi.ebay.com/VINTAGE-CROWN-TR...QQcmdZViewItem